Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Pan, Not Bi

Summer to sophomore year of high school, I realized that I was bisexual-that I was sexually and emotionally attracted to both males and females. The realization came with a stereotypical event-I got a crush on one of my good friends. There had been obvious signs before the light bulb came that I was sexually attracted to females but they never fully registered in my mind. No matter. When I could clearly imagine myself touching and kissing a girl, all doubts were removed. 

However, several months after I came out to mostly everyone that I was bi, I realized that that was only part of the truth. I made the logical leap (only logical to me, since there really is no reason behind it) that if I liked vaginas and penises, there was no reason why I couldn't like both or neither. Transvestites, transgendereds, transsexuals, hermaphrodites, etc. could all have the potential to be sexually appealing to me and there was no doubt in my mind that I could easily be emotionally attracted to them also. 
Soon afterwards, I met a friend who called herself omnisexual (Wikipedia labels omnisexual and pansexual as the same sexuality. However, I disagree. I think the latter is being physically/emotionally attracted to any person regardless of sex or gender aka "gender-blind" and the former refers to absolutely everything, not only human beings, but animals also). The friendship raised my interest in the new term "pansexuality" and I decided that the definition fit my sexuality and I adopted it...at the back of my mind. 

Not until about a month ago have I started labelling myself such because of various reasons. When someone asks you your orientation and you say "I'm bi", not many people crinkle their noses up and say "What's that?" (they may crinkle up their noses and say something else more insulting). There is no need for explanation and there are usually no questions asked. However, if you say you're pansexual, about eight out of ten people will tilt their heads and ask what that is. You have to get into conversations about what a transgendered person is, what a transsexual is, what the difference between them is, etc. Constantly explaining can be tiring but at the same time, it's invigorating. It makes you feel accomplished when you know that one more person is informed. 

So, to make it clear to everyone, I'm not bi, I'm pansexual. I'm not only interested in vaginas and penises, I'm interested in combinations and nothing at all also. In fact, the genitalia has absolutely no effect on me whatsoever in picking a potential partner. 

Here's a video of me eshplaining meself:

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