Sunday, January 24, 2010

deathbed (freddie, we will always love you)

he said he had been infiltrated by it for six years.
rumpled hair hanging in dirty strings
sunken, grey face after days of no sleep
thin lips glued together by nights of confusion
thoughts tumbling over each other like pebbles

he said he had been living with it for five years.
that he would wake up every night in his bed
eyes fixed to the ceiling
hands gripping the bed sheets
freezing sweat sinking back into body

he said he had been talking with it for four years.
blood on the walls after a bout of anger
door's hinges stuck together with duct tape
frayed carpet where his knees had fallen
for years to pray

he said he had been looking at it for three years.
searingly bright blue sky burning his eyes
black holes at the deep end of them growing smaller
lead deposited in his back dripping into his body
flesh turning to ash because of the acidity

he said he had been crying for it for two years.
photographs of his mother looking down on him
disapproval of his ancestors weighing down on him
the god he had discarded since childhood sneaking back in
to prove that there is such a thing as guilt and damnation

he said he had been losing to it for one year.
frequent emergency visits that always ended up in
one two three breathe
the way he carried himself the morning after and how he kept saying
"i'm fine, i just got drunk and fell down the stairs again."

he said he wouldn't have told anyone if i hadn't found him
in his bathroom this morning, the pills useless at this point now
his mouth frothing with saliva and mucus
his fingers stiff from trembling

and holding the ace of spades.

Freddie Mercury

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