Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A Personal View On Break-Ups and "I Love You" 's

 Recently, I've been thinking about relationships, break-ups, and the meaning of the words "i love you" and how I think of them.

On break-ups: Some people are afraid of break-ups because they'll be alone afterwards. Some people need to always be in a relationship even though they know that sooner or later, it's going to end and they're going to "have to" find another one because they can't stand not being in one. I, on the other hand, am afraid of break-ups not because I'll be single, but because I'm afraid my ex will no longer want anything to do with me. Or rather, I'm afraid that after the break-up, he won't want to be friends with me. I've seen a lot of break-ups end in tears and anger where both parties stop talking to each other because of an argument that they had that ended their relationship. I've also seen (and heard of) relationships that ended but both parties stayed friends. I haven't had a break-up yet, but I hope when I do, the two of us will stay friends afterwards. My reasoning is 'Why not?' If I spent months or years with that person, loving, spreading myself out, learning about him and what he thinks, I'm not going to completely shut myself off from him just because of an argument or whatever it was that ended our romantic relationship. The relationship I think I would have with most of my partners before they become my lovers would be one of friendship (I have only had one) and I'd hope to regain that relationship with them after the romantic one terminated. After all, most romantic relationships end. Keeping that in mind, not all relationships end as quickly as romantic ones do. Friendships and family ties are supposedly more stable. There is no sign more evident of human fickleness than in a romantic relationship. People's feelings and situations both change quickly. What was there at the beginning of a year perhaps might not be there anymore the next year. However, the time that was spent in a romantic way was not wasted even if it had to end. If one feels happy during that time, it was spent in a good way and one shouldn't curse it because of time or human feelings. Things didn't work out in the end the way one thought they would but for some time, they did. So why ignore and curse that spent romantic time by not continuing the relationship in a different manner? Of course, if the argument was something along the lines of 'You beat me until I was half-dead' or if your ex is mentally deranged and is now trying to stalk you through means of google map, by all means, don't stay in touch with that person. Other than that (even in a situation where there was cheating involved), if one can forgive the act, one can definitely make peace with the person.

On "I love you": I've written a blog about this before but what I want to write about now is more of an opinion. Personally, I use those words frequently: to friends, to someone who does me a favour, and to my partner. Although I say them some might say too easily, I mean them every time. For me, 'I love you' means a simple, grateful thanks. To the person who did something for me, a thanks that they did me a favour. To my friends, a thanks that they are there for me when I need them and that they are there to support me and accept me for who I am. To my partner, for accepting, tolerating, and putting up with what I do and all of my failures, flaws, and imperfections. Also, the 'I love you' is not only a thanks but a statement of my entire emotions. My whole gratitude is too much and it takes too long to explain and so those three words are a nifty convenience for saving time and energy. To me, "I love you" translates into "Hey, you're a fucking awesome person and I thank you for being here with me right here, right now. Even though this moment will pass, you mean something to me and I am changed by your acquaintance".