I don't want to think today.
In English, we're in Poetry.
And we're reading philosophical poems.
I don't want to think today,
because I'm afraid if i do,
the sun will come reaching through
to grab me by the hand
and take me away to Heaven.
It's not that I don't want to go to Heaven,
or that I don't want to die.
Because in Homeroom, I killed myself
so I didn't have to make people laugh.
I wanted to lie down and sit there,
and not think about anything.
I want to be blind.
I want to see darkness.
I don't want to see people,
Sometimes, I want to stab them,
until they die.
Sometimes, I feel silent,
and I want to be left alone.
But then the real world crashes down on me,
and it kills me.
And I want to cry.
But, I can't, because I'm dead.
Sometimes, I feel like Wednesday Addams,
like killing people for pleasure,
or being silent and not being bantered.
Halloween scares me, though.
The candy makes me sick, so I want to throw up.
Sometimes, I want to hurt myself,
Make myself feel pain, make myself cry.
I don't want to be a leftover.
I want to have friends,
I don't want to be here,
I want to write.
But sometimes, my ideas are like quicksilver
and I can't keep up with them. And then,
comes writer's block, but that is so much more
Like a song. A couple of days singing that song, can't
getting rid of it, sweating, but you can't stop.
And then, it's gone.
Sometimes, I feel like shit.